Bath Time Reviewed Testimonial

So fresh and so clean clean

I always thought that the people who wrote the self-help stuff for college students and people in crisis where either full of shit or a bunch of wusses when they would suggest that, when stressed or distressed, one should brew a cup of tea or “take a hot bath.” I typically interpreted such suggestions as an avoidance of real human angst/suffering on the part of the author. I don’t think I would write a very good self-help book. It would probably be full of things like:

Your anxieties are actually based on some sort of truth, “real” or perceived.

Call an analyst.

Self-medicate (choose your own adventure: brownies, marijuana, or nicotine/tobacco. Alcohol should always be avoided: it is far too dehydrating.).

Get angry at whatever or whoever put you in this mood.

Listen to gangster rap.

Read more philosophy.

Taking a bath seemed so trite and such an empty-signifier of a suggestion to offer someone who was in some sort of duress…

…until now.

Just so we are clear: I am a chronic shower-taker. I make it my personal mission to have a well-stocked shower and I keep similar-minded company. Between Mr. Drinkwater and I, there are at least 5 different kinds of shampoo, 3 different face-washes, 4 different body-cleansers, and a vast array of shaving accessories in our teensy tiny bathroom. I cannot remember the last time I took a bath - my guess is that I was somewhere in the ballpark of 6 years old.

My feeling is that showers are far more time-efficient and are actually more hygienic than baths. To me, sitting in small pool a of one’s own filth-water seems counter-productive to the idea of “clean.” Also, bubble baths are not good for ladies.

Tonight, for some reason, I got the idea to take a bath. I had already showered for the day…but I think it was a combination of being quite cold and having some severely un-moisturized skin that prompted my sudden interest in the tub. I decided outright that my mission in the tub was going to be to experience the “bath” experience rather than make any attempt at getting clean. There is no way to convince me that that one can get cleaner taking a bath than taking a shower.